by Genevieve
When my friend Shelley asked me to write a contribution for her blog I enthusiastically said “yes!” It took me a few days to try and put down in a few words the essence of my life – how I lead it, what makes me happy and how I pick myself up when I fall.
Whilst I was thinking, I realized that one of the things that annoys me most is to hear people say to me “Oh you are so lucky”, with a little hint of jealousy in their voices.
Lucky? What? Are you kidding? I’ve worked so hard to be where I am today. And in all honesty I still don’t feel I’m in such a special place – but I’m working towards it. There is never a day that goes by where I’m not fighting for what I want. Even when I’m down (because I do get blue too) when I find myself crying, hugging a pillow in the middle of the night because I feel lost, even then I know that my mind is the most powerful tool I have and that I need to let go of my natural reactions, to accept the moment and move on. I have learnt not to indulge in defeat. I have found myself on the floor many times but I always pick myself up. I learnt it from sports. I was competing in athletics as a teenager and at any time I would be behind, my father would be screaming from the other side of the fence “DO NOT GIVE UP”.
I grew up in a little town in the middle of nowhere in the northeast of the Italian countryside. Industrial, not a dreamy country village. I didn’t like it, like many of my friends, but whilst they were complaining I moved to Milan. The big city. My New York. I started a career in fashion and I managed to be fairly successful. But somehow I was not happy. It was not the right fit. I didn’t like the fashion world. One of my last bosses was the worst nightmare you could ever imagine. She reinvented the definition of mobbing (she once even hit me, she was that insane). So I have moved on and invented a career in journalism. I found myself writing for one of the biggest Italian publications. I was surprised. I had no real qualifications but I did behave quite baldly. One sad morning I picked up the phone and called one of my favourite magazines: “ Hello, I was wondering if I could write for you.” They thought I was insane and called me for an interview. Nothing comes knocking at your door. I wouldn’t call that luck. Stability was back but then love came from London. I embraced courage, left friends and career behind and moved into a city where I didn’t even understand what people were saying. I remember the day my best friends drove me to the airport. It was odd. I remember the tears; I was jumping into a black hole.
I felt lost. Very lost. I felt fourteen years old all over again. My boyfriend was a very successful businessman and I was surrounded by busy people that seemed so grounded. I was not my own self anymore but his girl. Broken English. Empty days. Was I lucky? Not really. But I made myself lucky. I saw the opportunity to try to accomplish my biggest dream: to become an actress. So what was left to do? Train.
I trained for two years as an actress. It was hard and scary. People put me down all the time. One teacher once told me I should have just given up. My accent was horrible and I was not talented, or so she said. I saw beyond that. Why was she saying that? Perhaps because she was a failed actress? I decided I didn’t want to have regrets. I kept going and every time someone would be mean, I hurt and then pulled myself together once more.
I am now in a theatre company and a few movie projects up my sleeve. And I am writing again. There is still a lot to accomplish and the road is not going to be smooth. I am only at a new beginning. I feel twenty now. I know I can fail and I’m ready for it but I have some back up projects. I’m not going to land unprepared. I always have tried to set myself very high goals, but ones that are achievable. I’m crap at math, I would never take on board anything with numbers.
In Italy we have a saying “ Homus faber fortunae suis” It is one of my mantras. You are what you make of yourself. I want to be happy and there is not only one way.
